I am seriously, yes-seriously, at the end of my rope. Those that know me will say-it's a short rope. Be that as it may, I'm dangling off the tip of my rope and I need some advise.
I'm sure I've mentioned before, my DS's lack of social skills. His dad left when he was two years old and we've had a "rocky" agreement of how the boy is be raised since then. I also feel partly responsible since I placed him in a situation at an early age where we lived with psychopaths. I have tried very hard to over come that and help him become a "whole" person.
He has a very hard time making friends. He gets in trouble at school for talking when he shouldn't and has a very bad habit of correcting people instead of letting the teacher do their job. We've talked about this a zillion times, to no avail. He's better for awhile and then he gets in trouble again. He also is very hard on himself and expects nothing less than perfection in his school work. To that end, he will refuse to do assignments or not finish because he would rather get a failing grade than do less than what he feels he should do.
I've probably also told you about the new kid at the bus stop. Sweet looking kid. New to the neighborhood and to the school. I figure it must be hard on the kid coming into a school this late in the school year. He turned out to be in several of DS's classes. PERFECT says I. Perfect chance for DS to make a new friend. They have the "New kid" label in common. He stands at the bus stop with the same lost puppy look my son has. He plays an instrument. Figured that will give him additional geek points with the middle schoolers. He is prime target for a friend.
DS will not talk to him at the bus stop. He says he talks to him in their classes but how much "talking" can they do without getting in trouble? They can't sit together and talk on the bus because they apparently have assigned seats. We get to the bus stop at least 10-15 minutes early. Plenty of time to talk to someone. Get to know them. MAKE A BLASTED FRIEND!!!
This morning, for at least the millionth time, I asked DS why he will not get out of the car and talk to the boy. I asked him to give the kid a business card for the kid to give to his mom, for my business. He saw that it had our phone number on it and FREAKED out. He refused to give it to him, because THE KID might call our house. I tried to get DS to explain to me what he was so afraid of. He said, He's only one person. I asked him what that means. He can't tell me. He "Doesn't know". I not so calmly explained to him that he needed to stop using phrases that he "Didn't know what they meant". He still couldn't tell me what he thinks will happen if he talks to this kid. I know he is afraid but I can't get him to admit it and try and work through it. From looking at the other kid, I'm fairly sure he is just as scared as DS is. !!!!!!!!!
I'm going to ask DH to give it a try this afternoon. He seems to be able to get him to open up when I can't. Maybe he can get him to see there is no fear in saying hello and asking a few "friendly" questions. When ever I suggest an "ice breaker" my DS says that is prying. I can't get him to understand it is a normal way of starting a conversation. It could lead to a new friend.
I've already decided that starting tomorrow, I'm not going to take him to the bus stop any more.
Maybe if I make him walk there and I'm not hanging out with him, he'll talk to the kid. If not, at least I won't have to sit there watching the kid look so sad and DS looking so scared. Now that the sun comes up earlier, he won't be in the dark. He doesn't need me to watch out for dangers in the darkness.
Yes, I'm going to throw the little bird out of the nest.
Fly or fall.
I don't know what else to do.