Rough week

I borrowed the attached picture from my sisters blog. This is my mom & dad on their wedding day.

Thirteen years ago today my dad passed away after a short battle with Colon Cancer. It's not a secret that my dad and I didn't get along. That makes me sad. I wish we could have had the kind of relationship that alot of girls (my DD for one) have with their fathers. It really wasn't his fault. He didn't have a good role model as his father was a horrible man and I don't think he showed his son much love. That probably wasn't his fault as he'd lost his wife and had to raise two children alone. I always wished me & my dad had been closer. I'm sad that his grandchildren didn't get a chance to know him. He actually died a few weeks after I found out I was expecting my DS. Since he wasn't really aware of things at the end I didn't get a chance to tell him until after he died. I went into his bedroom the morning he died and told him about the upcoming event. I believe he was able to hear me since he was no longer bound to the painful earth he'd just left. His death also happened the week my youngest sister had a horrible car accident and broke both her wrists. Her son is still carrying emotional scars from that event. It also marks the last time I actively spoke to my other sister. She is still alive & living in Georgia. It's just that things that came out during that horrible week ended our turbulent relationship once and for all. She was alot like my father and that always rubbed me the wrong way. Through his death she showed her true colors and I cut her out of my life at that time. Another thing that makes me sad. I'm sad that she doesn't know her niece & nephew. I'm sad that she is still living a life that keeps people from getting close to her. I'm sad that she effects my beloved niece and her family because of her actions. I'm sad that no matter how many times I try to forgive her, I can't.

A friend of mine from work lost her husband to cancer on Sunday. 52 years young. He has left her much to soon and we can only offer our support as she tries to adjust to her new life. I hugged my DH extra tightly this weekend. All the sadness and "what if's" were just to much. I didn't tell him why but I'm sure he would have understood.

I know this isn't my usual blog entry and I'm sorry to be such a downer today. Maybe what I need to say is to love those in your life as much as you can, as often as you can.

Til later............